TRUE LOVE DOES NOT HURT: Moving Beyond Awareness to Accountability in Preventing Intimate Partner Violence

Not every abusive relationship begins with violence. Some begin with behaviours that society has normalised as expressions of love.

Therefore, we must confront the following questions if we are serious about preventing intimate partner violence (IPV) in our families, universities, workplaces and communities:

When does love become control? When does concern turn into manipulation? And why do we sometimes mistake jealousy, possessiveness and surveillance for expressions of love?

One of our greatest challenges is not simply recognising abuse but confronting the social norms and attitudes that allow controlling behaviours to become normalised within intimate relationships.

Too often, jealousy is interpreted as affection, constant monitoring as protection, and controlling behaviour as commitment. Yet love should never undermine a person's dignity, independence or freedom.

We must challenge the belief that control is an expression of love.

Abuse Is Not Always Visible

Intimate partner violence is often associated with physical assault. However, abuse can also be emotional, psychological, sexual, economic or technology-facilitated.

Repeated humiliation, threats, manipulation and isolation can gradually erode confidence and self-worth. Economic abuse may involve controlling a partner's income or preventing them from studying or working. Technology can also become a tool of abuse through unwanted tracking, monitoring social media, demanding passwords or threatening to share intimate images.

The absence of physical injuries does not mean the absence of abuse.

Challenging Harmful Gender and Social Norms

In Botswana, as elsewhere, cultural expectations, gender roles and unequal power relations influence how intimate relationships are understood and experienced.

Beliefs that men should exercise authority over women, that survivors should endure abuse to preserve relationships, or that intimate partner violence is a private family matter can perpetuate silence and discourage help-seeking.

Let’s remember, awareness alone cannot transform these deeply rooted beliefs. Prevention must challenge attitudes and behaviours that sustain inequality, while promoting healthy relationships founded on respect, consent and shared responsibility.

Most importantly, we must move away from asking why survivors remain in abusive relationships and instead examine the economic, social and institutional barriers that prevent them from accessing safety and support.

Universities and Workplaces as Agents of Change

Universities and workplaces have a responsibility to create environments where dignity, equality and safety are protected.

At BA ISAGO University's Centre for Gender-Based Violence Prevention and Empowerment, we recognise the importance of education, research, advocacy and community engagement in preventing GBV.

However, prevention must extend beyond awareness campaigns. Institutions need accessible reporting mechanisms, clear policies, confidential survivor-centred support, trained personnel and accountability systems.

Policies that exist only on paper, without effective implementation, offer limited protection.

Moving from Awareness to Action

Meaningful prevention requires three priorities:

First, transform harmful gender norms through sustained education and engagement with women, men, boys and girls.

Second, strengthen institutional accountability by ensuring that prevention policies, reporting systems and support services are adequately resourced, implemented and monitored.

Third, promote collective responsibility by encouraging families, colleagues, communities and leaders to recognise abuse, challenge harmful behaviours and support survivors without judgment.

A Call for Collective Leadership

Preventing intimate partner violence is not solely a women's issue or the responsibility of GBV organisations. It requires collective leadership and sustained commitment across society.

Love should empower, not control; protect, not intimidate; and build dignity, not destroy it.

The question to fellow leaders, educators and professionals is: What are we doing differently to move from awareness of intimate partner violence to measurable prevention, accountability and impact?

By Lorato Ruth Moalusi and Isabell Mothoka Centre for Gender-Based Violence Prevention and Empowerment BA ISAGO University, Botswana

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